respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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