I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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