you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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