Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
