Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
