Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
