he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
