idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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