Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
