her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
