I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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