I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
