When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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