Sry I called you an 8
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
