So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
