I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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