I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
