You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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