i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
