I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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