So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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