At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
