I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
