i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
