i barfeds in our rink
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
