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I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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