does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
