so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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