We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
