Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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