I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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