the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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