i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i drank out of a bidet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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