I wanna bring you to show and tell
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
