Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize