I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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