Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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