I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
