The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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