Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
