One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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