Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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