I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
