Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was CRYING into my vagina
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
