I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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