why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
