He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
