Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
