so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
