i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's get the cat blown out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
