I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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