We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
