Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
