It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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