Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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