I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
