bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
