So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Terrible idea I love it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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