I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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