No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
