I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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