Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's great music for shaving your balls
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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