hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
