How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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