I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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