so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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