He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
