Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Me too!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
