I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
