I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found a bag of teeth...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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