one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
