I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
two words...techno handjob
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
