I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
