I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
