It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
