How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
