Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
