He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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