This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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