so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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